I AM THE GREAT UNREPRESENTED
I AM YOUNG. OLDER THAN MY AGE. YOUNG FOR MY SITUATION. OLDER THAN MY PEERS. IMMATURE. NOTHING CAN HOLD ME BACK. I HAVE NO WEIGHTS. TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY. EVERYTHING AND NOTHING. I AM A MACHINE. FLYING AND STANDING STILL.
I AM THE GREAT UNREPRESENTED. UNHEARD. IGNORED. SILENCED. I SHOUT BUT NOTHING COMES OUT. I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER IF I SHOUTED AT ALL. I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE LINE IS. I TEETER ON THE LINE. THE TWO SIDES ARE THE SAME. THE DIFFERENCES ARE TOO SMALL TO SEE. I CAN SEE THE DIFFERENCES BUT ONLY WHEN I SQUINT. IF I AM GOING TO BE ON THE LINE I SHOULD AT LEAST DANCE ON IT. I DANCE ON THE LINE.
I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM. I AM COMPLICATED. I DON’T THINK. I DON’T THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I THINK, I AM MORE CONSCIOUS THAN AN ANT. I AM AN ANT WITH A DIFFERENT WORLD VIEW. THERE IS NOTHING GREATER THAN THAT. I AM GREAT. I AM THE ENEMY OF SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS. I DON’T BELIEVE. I AM EMPTY. VACUOUS. A MIRROR. I SILENTLY REFLECT THE TRUTH. I HAVE A FACE FLANNEL IN MY MOUTH. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER. THERE IS NO TRUTH HERE.
I SAID NO. I SCREAMED AND HOOVERED UP THE ATMOSPHERE. I AM PURE REASON. HOLLOW LOGIC. I DON’T KNOW WHO SPEAKS WHEN I OPEN MY MOUTH. MY SENSES ARE GREATER THAN A DOGS. I SEE IN A CONTINUOUS FIELD, LIKE A BABY. I AM DEAF SO CAN I SEE BETTER. BLIND SO I CAN HEAR BETTER. I AM CALMLY HYPERACTIVE. SLOW UNTIL I PICK UP SPEED AND THEN I DISAPPEAR. I AM ACTIVE SUBMISSION. SILENT POWER. THE UNDERDOG. I AM THE TWO SIDES THAT DON’T FIGHT BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER WIN. I CLOSE MY EYES. MY HANDS ARE TIED. I SCREW MY EYES UP SO I CAN SEE A BIT. I AM NEUTRAL TERRITORY. POSITIVE CHANGE. NECESSARY EVIL. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY. I HAD A FACE FLANNEL IN MY MOUTH.
Felix Gonzalez-Torres (1957-1996) Biography 1993
Felix Gonzalez-Torres (1957-1996)
1957 born in Guaimaro, Cuba, the third of what would eventually be four children 1964 Dad bought me a set of watercolors and gave me my first cat 1971 sent to Spain with my sister Gloria, then went to Puerto Rico to live with my uncle 1979 returned to Cuba to see my parents after an eight-year separation 1981 parents escaped Cuba during Mariel boat lift, my brother Mario and sister Mayda escaped with them 1978 met Jeff in Puerto Rico 1976 Gloria and I moved to our own apartment-small, but full of sunlight 1977 Rosa 1976 met my friend Mario 1979 moved to New York City 1980 met Luis at the beach 1983 received BFA from Pratt Institute 1981 and 1983 attended the Whitney Museum Independent Study Program 1987 received MFA from the International Center of Photography and New York University 1983 Ross at the Boybar 1985 Jeff gave me Pebbles and Biko, two Lilac Point Siamese cats-hardly able to support myself, and now with two cats to feed, only Jeff 1985 first trip to Europe, first summer with Ross 1986 summer in Venice, studied Venetian painting and architecture 1986 blue kitchen, blue flowers in Toronto - a real home for the first time in so long, so long, Ross is here 1987 Wawanaisa Lake: beavers, wild brown bears, Harry retrieved every buoy he sees, New York Times every morning, duck cabin 1986 Mother died of leukemia 1990 Myriam died 1991 Ross died of AIDS, Dad died three weeks later, a hundred small yellow envelopes of my lover’s ashes-his last will 1991 Jorge stopped talking to me, I’m lost - Claudio and Miami Beach saved me 1992 Jeff died of AIDS 1990 silver ocean in San Francisco 1992 President Clinton - hope, twelve years of trickle-down economics came to an end 1990 moved to L.A. with Ross (already very sick), Harry the Dog, Biko, and Pebbles, the Ravenswood, Rossmore, golden hour, Ann and Chris by the pool, magic hour, rented a red car, money for the first time, no more waiting on tables, ‘Golden Girls’, great students at CalArts, Millie and Catherine, went back to Madrid after almost twenty years-sweet revenge 1989 the fall of the Berlin Wall 1991 Bruno and Mary, two black cats Ross found in Toronto, came to live with me 1991 the world I knew is gone, moved the four cats, books, and a few things to a new apartment 1991 went back to L.A., hospitalized for 10 days 1990 first show with Andrea Rosen 1993 moved to 24th Street 1987 joined Group Material 1991 Julie moved from Brooklyn to Manhattan 1992 the forces of hate and ignorance are alive and well in Oregon and Colorado, among other places 1993 Sam Nunn is such a sissy, peace might be possible in the Middle East 1992 started to collect George Nelson clocks and furniture 1993 three years since Ross died, painted kitchen floor bright orange, this book
from:(Catalogue Raisonne Cantz 1997)
